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Grief as Initiation: Finding the Divine in the Ruins of What We Loved
Grief does not come to destroy us. It comes as a holy visitor uninvited, yes, but bearing truth that could not reach us any other way. It arrives like a storm that strips the branches bare, revealing the shape of the tree beneath all its adornments. In the tender wreckage, something sacred begins.
For so long we’ve been taught to resist grief. To tidy it, explain it, move through it as quickly as possible. But grief is not a season that passes. It is a threshold and to cross it willingly is to enter into initiation.
This is the great alchemy: when what we love dies, or leaves, or changes beyond recognition, it invites us to surrender the part of ourselves that clings to what was. And in that surrender, we are introduced to what has always been the quiet pulse of the divine that does not leave us, even when everything else does.
The Body as Temple of Loss
When loss comes, the mind reaches for understanding. But grief lives in the body. It is a tightening in the chest, a trembling in the gut, a thousand unshed tears gathering at the base of the throat. To meet grief is to bring our attention back into the body to listen to the heartbeat beneath the ache.
There is wisdom in those contractions. They are the body’s language for surrender. Every shaking, every softening, is the nervous system remembering how to release what it has carried for too long. When we breathe into the places that hurt, we whisper to our body: You are safe to feel. You are safe to let go.
This is how spirit and matter reunite. Not through escape, but through embodiment. Through staying with the sensation until it becomes something else until it opens.
The Gift Beneath the Collapse
At the height of despair, when the world seems to close in, the smallest gesture toward surrender can open the door to grace. It may begin as a whispered prayer I can’t hold this. Please help me.
These words are not weakness; they are keys. They unlock the heart’s chamber where the Divine has been waiting.
When we stop trying to manage or justify our pain, we create space for love to enter it. And when love enters grief, something holy happens. We begin to sense that we are being held not despite our brokenness, but within it.
The Divine in the Ruins
What we lose often reveals where we have been most attached, most identified, most afraid. Grief dismantles those illusions. It teaches us to love without possession, to live without guarantees.
And strangely, through this dismantling, we come closer to truth. The Divine does not promise that what we love will last forever. Instead, it whispers, Everything that dies returns to me.
To find the Divine in the ruins is to realize that we were never abandoned that in every ending, there is a beginning quietly taking root. It is to stand in the ashes and feel, not emptiness, but space vast, luminous, and alive.
Surrender as Sacred Practice
When we surrender to grief, we are not giving up; we are giving in into a greater current that knows how to carry us home.
This is the heart of initiation. The old self, the one built on certainty and control, must die so that a deeper self can emerge. The self that knows trust, humility, and belonging.
Each time we let something die a dream, a love, a version of who we thought we were we expand the soul’s capacity to hold more life, more joy, more truth.
Grief is not the end of love. It is love’s transformation.
A Blessing for the Initiate
May your grief be a gate, not a grave.
May your tears be offerings that soften the earth of your heart.
May you come to know the holy silence that hums beneath sorrow
the quiet voice that says, Even here, you are not alone.
And when the storm has passed and your branches are bare,
may you find yourself radiant in your simplicity
a living altar, open to the light.
Q: What does surrender actually mean?
Surrender is not about giving up it’s about giving in. It’s the moment you exhale and let life move through you instead of against you. It’s whispering, I don’t know, but I’m willing to be shown. In that willingness, the Divine meets you. Not to fix you, but to hold you steady as you change.
To surrender is to stop negotiating with what is. The mind will always try to make sense of pain, to turn mystery into a story it can control. But surrender asks something older and deeper — it asks for trust that doesn’t depend on understanding. It asks you to unclench the fists of your spirit and allow the current of life to carry you where you’ve resisted going. When you soften your grip on certainty, even for a breath, you create space for grace to enter.
The body knows what surrender feels like. It’s the moment the shoulders drop, the jaw loosens, the breath reaches a little deeper. It’s the trembling right before the release the nervous system remembering that safety can exist even inside uncertainty. Surrender is physical before it is spiritual. It is felt in the tissues, in the bones, in the quiet pulse beneath the ache. When you let the body lead, the soul follows naturally.
Surrender does not erase pain. It transforms the relationship you have with it. Instead of trying to push the storm away, you learn to stand in the rain and feel it wash through you. Instead of demanding to be saved, you begin to sense that you are already being carried. There’s a humility in this, a holy softening that teaches you the difference between control and care. The Divine is not testing you; it is teaching you to trust your belonging in the flow of things.
And perhaps this is the hidden grace of surrender: it brings you home to yourself. When all your striving dissolves, what remains is simple presence a heart uncloaked, a breath that no longer hides. Here, you begin to live in rhythm with what is real. You begin to feel that every ending is a beginning in disguise. And in this soft, quiet willingness to be shown, the Divine no longer feels far away. It breathes with you.
What is Tantra?
Tantra is a personal energy practice, a relational practice, and a path of living. The personal energy components are technical practices that have integrated physical aspects. Through learning how to cherish and love ourselves we begin to tap into a source of energy that we generate internally. Tapping into this internal fountain allows us to begin to approach others as well our lives own from a place of empowerment, an empowerment so grounded that vulnerability and strength walk together.
From a place of self empowerment comes vulnerability through which we can now begin to relate to others from a place of depth and attunement. Through the foundations of our internal work we can access groundedness, spaciousness, safety, easeful confidence and the gentle bravery of vulnerability. When we practice depth of presence as we embody these characteristics we generate an emotional and energetic field of ease, safety and curiosity. When two practitioners meet in this emotional space of spacious attunement, compassion and vulnerability the two fields mingle and dance, each one intensifying and deepening the other. It is a transformative and tender liminal space to in which to dance.
To know this type of connection, to walk the world with a rooted sense of empowerment and compassion is, in itself, deep strength. As a life path, Tantra teaches us to take what we learned of the dance of polarity from how strength is vulnerable and vulnerability is strength, and to look for the dance of polarity in our lives. The more you look, the more it is everywhere. Duality is not only real, it is a foundational driving force of our world. Seeing this, feeling this, understanding this in the core of our soul is the work of tantra. For if we can learn to work with polarity, if we can turn the struggle into a dance, there is a path to not only a more empowered life, but a more easeful one. It is the middle path, the path between extremes, to which tantra calls us. If we are secure and vulnerable with ourselves, if we are our own provider of safety and joy, then we naturally attract others with that field. When we approach our goals and desires from that same place of security and confidence we attract success with that field.
Tantra is modality of energy weaving, a way of loving, and a way of living. There is a lifetime to explore with the simple, soul deep recognition that everything we need to be happy and to feel safe is already within us, the attractive power of this recognition, and how this recognition can give birth to a life of empowerment, love, and connection.
Personal Practice. Three deep breaths. Hold your hands over your heart. Breath into them. Feel the warmth, feel the weight of your hands on your chest. Slowly massage your hands over your chest. Begin a low hum from your chest. Hum as you breath out, feel the vibration through your hands. Do this for 3 or more breaths. Now imagine there is a flame burning in your core. A warm, controlled flame. As you inhale it expands, as you exhale, it contracts. Feel the warmth grow. As you feel the growing fire, begin to hold devotional love in your heart. Hold it for yourself. Feel the warmth, feel the love for yourself, hold yourself gently, hold the love for yourself with the tenderness you would hold for your child self. Breath and hold yourself. Take some time and allow the experience to envelope you. When you are ready, hold and perhaps speak some gratitude to yourself for doing this practice and for as many other things as you can imagine. When this feels complete, slowly remove your hands from your heart gently and with love, knowing that this is always available.
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